


Stay Or Run

by Tillymint



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-10-20 03:13:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10653732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tillymint/pseuds/Tillymint
Summary: What would you do if one of your best days of your life also turned out to be one of the worse? How would you cope? Would you run? Or would you stay and make peace?





	1. Nerves

What would you do if one of your best days of your life also turned out to be one of the worse? How would you cope? Would you run? Or would you stay and make peace?

The scene had been set, Serena was more than happy with the way everything was looking. This plan had been months in the planning. Everyone knew what she was up to part from that one special person that this was for. 

Serena took a step back and admired all the work Raf and Dom had done on the roof. Everything looked perfect, the boys seemed to know exactly what she wanted. Serena couldn't help but smile. Now all she needed was perfect timing and everything would be complete.

After spending a couple of minutes trying to relax and get rid of the nerves she had suddenly developed she made her way back to the ward. Bernie was in the middle of a surgery, she knew it would be a while until she was free. 

Serena made her way to Raf beaming from ear to ear. She couldn't hide her excitement as she made her way to him.

"Raf, have you got a minute? I need to speak to you in my office."

Raf just nodded and followed her, shutting the door behind them.

"Is everything ok Serena?" He asked.

"Oh, Raf it's so silly, I know we have been planning this for ages but I am so nervous. I've just been on the roof and you and Dom have made it look amazing, it's much better that's I every thought it would be. I can't believe that I am going to ask her."

Raf just laughed. Serena was actually taken aback. She had not expected that reaction from him.

"Do you remember what you told me when she went on secondment? You told me you loved her, even then you knew, everyone knew, you just didn't tell each other. We all knew. The moment you first met, you were destined t be together. This is just the next step. Serena, she is perfect for you, just as you are perfect for her. I for one am so happy for you. You've not been without testing times but you've both survived it and come out stronger." Raf replied with a smile trying to help calm Serena. 

She smiled, Raf had been a great support over the past few years and he was one of her best friends. He always knew what to say to help her feel better. 

"Thanks Raf, you are a true friend, I don't know what I'd be without you" she launched into a hug.

The door suddenly flew open.

"And what do we have here, replacing me with Raf are we Campbell?" Bernie said laughing knowing that Serena was most definitely hers and would never look at anyone else.

Both Serena and Raf smiled knowing that Bernie was more than confident in her relationship it's Serena. 

"You know I keep trying to get her to change sides again but she's having none of it, keeps telling me about this amazing, gorgeous woman that keeps turning her life upside down and she's head over heals in love with but I'm yet to meet her" Raf said with a wink.

Bernie laughed out so loud it took them all by surprise and all dissolved into fits of giggles. 

"Raf I'm not sure where your confidence has come from recently or your cheekiness but thank you for everything that you've done for both of us. You've been a great support. You can keep trying to change Serena to your side but it will never work, I make her feel things you can only dream off"

Bernie smiled and left the room leaving Raf and Serena standing there lost for words. Serena even blushed a little, she did not expect Bernie to say anything like that. She knew she was the one, she had known the day the first met but didn't admit it. 

Serena looked at the clock, it was now or never. 

"Right Raf, I think it's time for lunch for Bernie and I. I will see you on the other side" she took a deep breath and went to find Bernie.


	2. The Roof

It didn't take Serena long to find Bernie perched on the desk at the nurses station. Serena stood for a few seconds just admiring the view, something she was always caught doing. It was her favourite pass time.

 

Bernie caught her eye, and looked at her from under that amazing but annoying fringe and grinned as she slowly made her way to Serena. 

 

"Ms Campbell, is there something I can help with as I seem to have spotted you just staring at me and admiring me from a distance" Bernie said with a mischievous glint in her eye. Serena was amazed, this was the same Bernie once upon a time who had run from her feelings now she had started to reveal a flirtatious character something Serena was enjoying seeing.

 

"it is time for something to eat, I haven't seen you for most of the morning so thought we could grab something to eat. Well actually that's not a request it's an order Major" Serena laughed and turned her back knowing that Bernie would follow her.

 

Raf watched Serena and Bernie leave the ward, mouthing good luck to Serena as she turned back to look for reassurance. He smiled and mimed for her to go.

 

"Where do you think you're going?" Serena asked as Bernie started to make her way to Pulses. 

 

"I might be getting old Campbell but I'm pretty sure you said we needed to have some food and unless I'm mistaken this is where we get it from"

 

Serena laughed and grabbed Bernie by the arm.

 

"I have a surprise for you but it's upstairs"

 

Serena could see the confusion on Bernies face trying to work out what upstairs she meant. Was there a meeting she had forgotten, were they meeting someone else for lunch. Serena didn't say but held Bernie by the hand and steered her to the stairs without saying a word.

 

It took Bernie a while to realise they were heading to the roof. 

 

"Serena, where are you taking me, I'm pretty sure there is nowhere on the roof to get food, are you feeling ok?" Bernie asked. Serena said nothing but just nodded. She couldn't say anything right now even if she wanted too, she was feeling so nervous.

 

Once at the top of the stairs Serena moved behind Bernie and allowed her to open the door first. Bernie stood still and looked utterly shocked. Right in front of her was a table complete with picnic and photos of her and Serena. Bernie was a little panicked, had she forgotten their anniversary? Had she forgotten her own birthday?

 

There were a million thoughts running through her head as she made her way to the table in front of her. As she sat down she realised Serena wasn't sat down instead she was stood in front of her.

 

"When we first met I was so nervous but along you bounced with a cigarette in your mouth pretending to be a mechanic, you looked so beautiful. You changed my life from that moment and you've turned my life upside down but for the better. I wouldn't want it any other way. I love you and for as long as I live I will always love you and until my last breath I will cherish you and every memory we have ever made And I am hoping you can make those and more memories even more special by agreeing to marry me?"

 

Bernie was in tears so was Serena. Bernie didn't even have to answer as she flung her arms around Serena.

 

"Yes" was all Bernie could get out without crying more. Neither thought that they would be in this position when the first met but both couldn't imagine not being with each other now.

 

The picnic was a huge hit. They spent their entire lunch sat side by side talking about the future about their plans about their past with huge smiles on their face. It had taken a while to get to where they were now but it was ok, they had each other, they were happy and they had a future.

 

"I think my love it's about time we got back to the ward and shared our good news" Bernie said with an excited smile. She looked at Serena and realised that someone else already knew.

 

"I needed help Bernie, I couldn't do it all on my own, so Raf helped. He's just as excited as I am to be honest. Oh and Dom too, he's a great friend Bernie and he thinks so much of you"

 

Bernie smiled, Dom had been a great friend to her, he had supported her when she felt like she didn't have anyone. How he had managed to keep this a secret she didn't know but she would thank him later.

 

Bernie led Serena back down the stairs and walked on the ward with a huge smile on their faces. Serena looked around for Raf, she wanted to share her good news but he wasn't anywhere to be seen. Bernie headed to their shared office to collect her paperwork when she saw Raf running through the ward with a patient on a trolley shouting for Serena to help. 

 

Bernie was the trauma lead, why didn't he shout for her, he must not have seen her she thought. As she made it to the door way she saw that the patient had a lot of trauma injuries. She definitely should be leading this but then she saw.

 

Serena joined Raf without noticing Bernie watching them and looked at his reaction, then she looked at the patient, she had to do a double take. The injuries were extensive but she recognised the patient. She then looked up and noticed Bernie who had collapsed down the door frame, she had seen. Serena wanted to run to her but knew the patient needed her help and Bernie needed her to help.

 

"Fletch, help Bernie please" Serena shouted before she had even finished the sentence Fletch was at Bernies side pulling her in for a hug and lifting her into the office.

 

"Fletch, what happened to that patient that's just been brought in?"

 

"She was found on the hospital grounds, we don't know what happened but she received a lot of tramua injuries, why, do you know her" he asked, Bernie didn't usually get so upset of invested in patients.

 

Feeling her world crumble Bernie replied.

 

"Its Alex, Alex Dawson."


	3. Doubt

Fletch didn't say anything he just stood and held Bernie. He had heard rumours about her and Alex but had never wanted to ask. He had heard Alex was the reason Bernie's marriage had broken down. He knew once upon a time Bernie had loved her but that was before Serena. 

He had never seen Bernie like this, she was normally so strong, it hadn't taken much for her to break down in his arms. 

"Bern, it's ok" he soothed as he held her close. She didn't reply she just held him closer. This was something Bernie never did. 

She was affectionate with Serena but to everyone else she hated to be touched. Fletch was concerned, he wasn't sure how to cope. He had seen the state that Alex had been brought in like and he didn't think the outcome looked like it would be positive. 

Fletch tried to move away from Bernie but she refused to let go, even when he said he was just going to move position she wouldn't have it. 

Bernie held onto Fletch like her life depended on it. 

"Come on Bernie, you're strong, Major, you need to pull it together" Fletch said with love. He loosened his grip on her and she seemed to accept this. 

He managed to put enough space in between them so that they were still close but no longer touching. 

"Bernie, what's going on?" Bernie heard Serena's voice, she hasn't seen her enter the office. 

"It's Alex, isn't it? What happened. Is she, is she ok?" Bernie stammered. She looked into Serena's eyes and could see how much her question had hurt her partner, well her fiancé now. 

Fletch looked up at Serena and decided it would be best to leave them alone in the office. He kissed Bernie on the forehead before kissing Serena on the cheek before closing the door behind him. 

"Yes, Bernie, its Alex, it looks like she was attacked. She's still in surgery but Raf has it under control. She looks like physically she will be ok but I'm not sure about anything else" Serena explained. 

Serena started to walk the short distance to Bernie is the office but she noticed she backed off. 

"Bernie, don't do this. What's going on" Serena said. 

Bernie couldn't look at her, tears still rolling down her cheeks. Serena looked concerned, what was going through Bernie's mind. 

As far as she was aware Bernie and Alex were no longer in contact. Bernie had always been open with Serena about her time with Alex. 

She knew that Bernie had loved Alex but that was in the past, she knew there would always be love there but why was it effecting Bernie so much?

"Bernie. You need to speak" Bernie could tell Serena was getting annoyed. 

"An hour ago my life was perfect, I didn't think life could get any better and then you asked me to marry up and it got so much more. I never thought I'd find someone to make me as happy as you do. I struggled with coming to terms with things are Alex and then the divorce. And you. God Serena. You're perfect and amazing and my absolute soul mate but, it's just, its just its Alex. I haven't seen or thought of her in so long. What's she doing here"

It was now Serena who was lost for words. Did this mean Bernie still felt something for Alex, did she want her now and no Serena? 

Bernie could see the thoughts running through Serena's mind. 

"Serena, please don't question my love for you. This isn't the time. I need you to understand you are who I'm spending my life with. You are my soul mate" 

Serena seemed to accept the answer but still wasn't convinced. She was about to step forward when Raf opened the door. 

"Serena, I need you" 

Bernie looked up and saw his reaction. 

"I can't do this" Bernie said in a quiet voice as she ran past Serena and Raf leaving them opened mouth watching her run from the ward.


	4. Truth

Serena didn't have time to chase after Bernie even though that's all she wanted to do. She knew she had a job to do and she would have to find Bernie later. 

Serena followed Raf to the recovery room where Alex was. She looked a mess, she was almost unrecognisable, Serena was amazed and scared that Bernie knew it was her from a distance. She thought to herself, of course Bernie knew it was Alex, she was the first women she had fallen for. Serena felt a pang of jealousy and guilt at the same time. 

Alex was heavily sedated and Serena knew with the extent of her injuries they wouldn't reduce the sedation until much later. 

"Raf, have you got everything here? I need to go and find her, I need to know she's ok" Serena said. 

He nodded and she left the room. There's only one place she knew Bernie would go to and that was the roof. She took the stairs two at a time and opened the door. 

She was surprised when she got there, she saw not one but two figures. One was definitely Bernie, but Serena couldn't be sure of the other one. Someone else was comforting Bernie, someone else had their arm around her partner, her fiancé and Serena felt a feeling she was unsure of. 

Earlier it was the best day of her life, now if felt like she could loss everything. 

Serena stepped closer to the pair, trying to make now sound. She still couldn't see properly but she could hear. She stood still and instantly felt a little better. Bernie was tucked under Dom's side and he was holding her close. 

Serena stood in silence and listened. 

"You know you're tough, don't doubt it Bernie. You survived the army, you've survived a marriage to a man who you never really wanted. You were brave enough to admit you had feelings for Alex, you were then brave enough to admit to Marcus that you wanted a divorce. You were definitely brave when you told me Serena was the one. You were brave when you told her how you felt. I'll never forget your excited little face when you finally told me you loved her or when you told me you'd told her. You were brave then Bernie and you are still brave. I know you don't feel it but you are and you're strong. You know I love you but I have to say the one time you weren't brave is when you ran from Serena to Ukraine last time because you were scared. Don't make the same mistake again this time. Don't ruin your happiness because you feel guilty about Alex. This was not your fault. I know you told her about Serena and I know she wasn't pleased. You handled that brilliantly though. You stayed strong." Dom said as he held Bernie close completely unaware that Serena was stood close by listening. 

"I loved her once upon a time Dom. Not like I loved Marcus, it was different. It seemed better. Something like I'd never experienced it made me feel alive" 

Serena's heart broke at hearing this. Bernie loved Alex and always would. Serena was starting to feel like everything was a lie. Serena was started to turn when Dom's movement caught her eye stopping her in her tracks. He motioned for her to stay where she was. Bernie was still oblivious. 

"But" Dom prompted at the same time gesturing for Serena to move closer but still remain out of view. 

"But then I met Serena. Dom she is my soul mate. I wake up every morning with her on my mind, every night before bed I see her, she's always around. Even on my darkest days she's there. It's much more than love with Serena. She brings colour to my world, the sun shines even on a rainy day. She never ceases to amaze me. I've never ever felt like this. She made me realise that while I did love Alex, I loved the freedom of loving Alex or loving someone other than Marcus. Alex was a great friend and helped me so much while I was away but I know now I wasn't in love with her. I never was. I was in love with the idea of being free to love whoever I wanted."

"And then you met Serena" Dom said

"And then I met Serena, who turned my life upside down. Dom I loved her the moment I met her. My heart missed a beat, it still does. She is my everything Dom, she's my world. I'm completely and utterly in love with her. Did you know today she asked me to marry her? Oh of course you do, you helped" Bernie said with a sigh remembering how she had felt just hours before. 

"So why are you up here with me then and not Serena?" He asked. 

"Because I panicked. I saw Alex like that and got scared. Why was she here Dom, we made our peace when she left and now she's back. The day I agree to marry my true love she turns up. I'm scared that I feel too much for Serena and I'll hurt her like I hurt Alex and i can't cope with that. Dom she rang me this morning but I ignored it. I didn't want to speak to her. What if she rang because she needed help?" Bernie choked on the tears she had been holding in. 

"This is not your fault Bernie, you didn't attack her. As to why she's here you need to ask her when she's up to it but you can do it with Serena by your side. Please don't run away from her again, you need her and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way about you" Dom said. 

"I ran away though again, I left her stood on the ward wondering why I'd ran, I bet she doesn't know what to think."

"You could always just tell her and stop running from her, you're getting married after and these are things you no longer need to face alone" Dom said with a smile as he kissed the top of her head as he motioned for Serena to step forward. 

"What if I can't find the words to explain properly to her? What if she thinks I'm making it up" Bernie said with a hint of worry in her voice. 

"I'm sure she will be fine. You never know she might have already heard the whole thing" he said with a wink as Serena stepped in front of Bernie and embraced her in the tightest hug ever. 

"No more running Bernie, it's me and you against everything. It will all be ok sweetie" Serena mouthed thank you at Dom as he left the pair in a comforting embrace.


	5. Admitting

Serena held onto Bernie for a couple of minutes before speaking. 

"You do need to go and see Alex though." 

Bernie looked shocked. She hadn't expected that from Serena. She looked at her with a puzzled look. 

"I heard everything you said to Dom and I am more than secure in our relationship. I know you love me, you've just agreed to spending the rest of your life with me. I do however think that you need to see Alex. You need to see what she wanted from you." Serena said. 

"You can say no if you want but please can you come with me?" Bernie asked. She noticed the look on Serena's face change, she couldn't read it. 

"Bernie, I think this is something you need to do on your own. Alex was your first proper love." Serena was about to continue but Bernie cut her off. 

"No Serena, you're my first proper love, my true love, Alex opened my eyes to loving women but I was never truly in love with her and truth be told I don't think she was ever truly in love with me either. I want you by my side when I see her. I can make you Serena but you are my life and I want everyone to know we are together and there's nothing to hide" 

Serena contemplated Bernie's request and looked at her face. Bernie wasn't running, she was asking Serena to face it with her. 

Face Alex, the person Serena had been jealous of once upon a time. The one person Serena always felt like she contended with even though Bernie wasn't in contact with her anymore. And her Bernie was, wanting to show their united front to Alex. How could she love this woman anymore?

"Ok, I will come with you. But if you need me to leave at any time all you need to do is say. I don't want things to be awkward and we don't know why she was here" 

Bernie stood up and held her hand out to Serena to lead her back down to the ward. Bernie was determined to face this, whatever was thrown at her she had Serena by her side. She knew she could get through anything with her there.


	6. Uncertainty

Once they as got to Alex's room Bernie froze. She saw her ex lover connected to all those tubes and couldn't move. 

Serena pushed her forward, "you can do it. I'm with you." 

Bernie took a breath and walked into the room. Raf was was stood at the end of the bed writing in the records. 

"She's stable and we are reducing the sedation now, she should wake shortly" Raf said. 

Bernie looked like a frightened child. 

"Bernie, are you ok?" Raf asked. 

She nodded. "It's just you see this every day but you don't expect it to happen to those people you lo.. know, do you?"

"Bernie, its ok to say you loved or love her. I'm ok with it" Serena smiled. "Go and sit with her, talk to her, she will appreciate a friendly voice and face when she wakes." 

Bernie did as she was instructed and sat beside Alex. After a while she lent over and touched her hand. It had been so long since she had touched Alex.

She traced the palm of her hand with her own fingers. She allowed herself to remember the times when they had been together, working together, living together just generally being together and she cried. 

Serena as she promised remained in the same room as Bernie. She could see how difficult it was for her. 

"Bernie, what you said on the roof about Alex, I know you said it for my benefit but please don't feel you need to, be honest with yourself and Alex and I, I won't think any less of you." Bernie looked up and caught Serena staring at her. 

"I do love Alex, I suppose I always will, she was the first woman I ever loved. She opened my eyes to so much. I feel guilty we never kept in touch. What if something bad happens to her?" Bernie asked. 

Serena edged forward and put her hands on Bernie's shoulders, "Raf, said everything is looking positive. We just need to wait" Serena replied. 

After a couple of minutes Bernie's pager went off, after all they were still at work. She was needed in theatre and unfortunately it was her that was needed not Serena. 

"You go, you're needed. If your head isn't up to it though please say, don't operate if your minds not on the job. I'll stay here with Alex until your back." Serena could sense the uncertainty in Bernie. "Don't worry we will be fine" she gave Bernie a smile. 

Bernie squeezed Alex's hand and kissed Serena before leaving Serena and Alex alone.


	7. Honesty

It was about an hour after Bernie left for theatre when Alex started to wake. It took a while for her to become responsive and know where she was. 

She looked over at the women holding her hand. She didn't recognise the face. It wasn't Bernie. 

"Alex, you're back with us, welcome back. Try not to talk though, you've been through a lot. I'm Serena by the way, Bernie's partner. Sorry, you probably didn't want to hear that. She wanted to be here, well she was here but you know this job, traumas don't wait for anything. She's operating right now but she will be back soon. I promise" Serena felt Alex tighten her grip on her hand and smile as she drifted back to sleep. 

Serena actually felt fairly relaxed sat with Alex, but why did she say about being Bernie's partner, that didn't matter, she felt she had been a little insensitive. Raf came and disrupted Serena's thoughts. He came in to check how she was doing but didn't stay too long. 

Alex awoke with a start and was crying out. "Hey, hey, you're ok, you're safe here" Serena said as she comforted her. 

Alex focused on Serena, watching her, following the same breathing patterned, slowly. She soon seemed to relax again. Serena stood to get Alex a glass of water but Alex refused to let go of her hand. 

"Don't leave me" came a very croaky voice. 

Serena looked back at Alex, from what Bernie had described her Alex was extremely tough and would never show weakness. It took Serena by surprise. 

"I won't I'm here" Serena replied unsure of what to do next. 

She sat back down and just looked at Alex. 

"You know, I have a lot to thank you for" Serena said. It was Alex's time this time to looked shocked. Serena laughed. "I feel it's because of you I met Bernie. She's told me about you. About how close you were how you loved each other. You made her whole again. I firmly believe she was broken before she met you. You taught her how to be herself, how to love someone truly, honestly and completely. She feels guilty about how she left it with you. You know our Bernie, when she's unsure, she runs away. She did the same to me" Serena looked at Alex, her eyes looking teary. 

"I didn't expect to hear anything like that. I heard Bernie had moved on and truth be told so have I, its one of the reasons I've been trying to contact her. I'm getting married and it's a friend of ours from the past. I thought it would be a good time to bury things and move on" Alex said. "I can see why Bernie loves you so much" 

Serena blushed. "When she loves, she loves with her whole heart. She might like to run away when things get too much for her and she's unsure but she always makes things right in the end. I think when she ran from you Alex she was confused. You made her feel things she hadn't ever felt. She told me the first time you met what she felt, she might try and put on a brave face and deny that she loved you but she did and she does. You'll always have a special place in her heart. Thank you Alex, thank you for showing her it's ok to love who you want, for supporting her and loving her. I will always be grateful for everything you did for her." Serena said as she bent down and kissed Alex on the cheek. 

Alex just looked at Serena and smiled. 

Serena stood and turned towards the door and noticed Bernie stood leaning on the door frame. 

"How long have you been there for?" Serena asked. 

"I heard it all" Bernie replied. 

Serena gestured for Bernie to come closer. 

"You two need to talk" Serena said. She placed her arm on Bernie's as the past. "Thank you" Bernie mouthed to Serena as she sat down. 

"Serena, you are truly amazing and I'm happy Bernie has someone as special as you" Alex said as Serena got to the doorway. She turned back and smiled before leaving Bernie and Alex alone.


	8. Believing

Bernie stood at the door just looking at Alex lying in the hospital bed. Bernie felt a pang of emotion, of guilt and love. She remembered those words she had said to Serena, about never truly loving Alex but she was wrong. Looking at her so vulnerable in the bed now Bernie knew that she had truly loved Alex and although she was no longer in love with Alex she held a huge place in her heart.

"Are you going to come closer?" Alex asked.

Bernie still stood in the doorway, weighing up what to do. She wanted to rush to Alex, to hold her hand, to tell her everything would be ok but she couldn't. She had Serena and she loved Serena. Bernie felt a presence behind her but didn't turn around. She felt conflicted, just then a hand rested on her lower back.

"I know you don't need my permission but I can see you're struggling, move closer to her, hold her hand, be with her. You love her Bernie, I know not in the same way you love me but still, what you said before to me wasn't a lie, it's what you believed, but it's not true, we both know it. I am strong remember, but you are stronger, you know what to do." Serena said pushing Bernie forward gently.

Without turning round Bernie replied "I love you Serena and thank you" before moving to Alex and sitting on the bed beside her. She reached down for her hand and paused, she wasn't sure if it was a good idea.

"Bernie Wolfe, take her hand, do not make me come and do it for you" Serena almost shouted.

Bernie turned to see her partner staring at her, urging her to take another women's hand. Bernie felt unsure but did what was asked and saw Serena smile and left them alone. She turned back to face Alex with tears rolling down her face. 

"Don't you think it should be me with the tears?" Alex asked half with a laugh and she gripped Bernie's hand tighter.

"I'm sorry" was all Bernie could reply.

They spent a couple of minutes in silence just looking at each other not making a sound, neither wanting to be the first to speak.

"I'm sorry for not being here when you needed me, you saved my life and I seem to have spent the day trying to run away from you and hide from what I feel" Bernie started all the time not taking her eyes of Alex. She had learnt to open up from Serena, she still struggled at times but she was improving. "You are the reason I met Serena, you saved me and got me out of danger, I was then transferred here and offered the job where I actually feel like I belong for the first time in a long time I felt home. It shook me up when you first arrived. I had spent the time recovering worrying about you, about whether or not you were safe. I wanted to see you, the moment I got here, the moment Marcus turned up and played the doting partner, I wanted that to be you. I wanted you by my side while I spent the time in hospital recovering. When you did finally turn up, there was already someone else, I admit I was angry with you but as soon as I saw Serena, she was my One. I wasn't brave enough to admit it at the time when you came here, I was trying to deny who I was. It was so easy when we were away but here, real life, it was too difficult. I missed you every day, I still do but not in the same way. I told Serena that I didn't truly love you earlier but even she knows that that isn't true. She knows me too well but it's her I truly love."

Alex just looked at Bernie, she could tell in her face how difficult she had felt saying all of that. She admired the honesty. It was something she had known Bernie was never very good at. She preferred to hide her feelings, she preferred to protect her heart. She hated being hurt and preferred to run away and hurt others than have her own heart broken. She was strong but that was only a new trait, a new trait since meeting Serena. Alex could see that. She admired the effect Bernie had on Serena, she had never been able to get Bernie to feel like that.

"You are so lucky to have met Serena, she is good for you Bern, don't let her down, ever, do you hear. Treat her right and never let her..." Alex started but didn't finish.

Her hand suddenly losing its grip on Bernie's as the machines started to alarm highlighting Alex's pulse rate dropping.


	9. Shock

The room started spinning. Bernie was used to this, she should be used to this, this was her job. She thrived on pressure, on emergencies. But this was different. This was someone who meant a lot to her, it was someone Bernie had loved, still loved and she was suddenly crashing. She was frozen to the spot. She could hear the alarm sounding. She wanted to move, she willed herself to move but nothing.

It felt like minutes had passed before there was anyone else in the room but it was a matter of seconds. The whole team filled the room. Serena was by Bernie's side in an instant. Bernie reached for her hand. She held tight. 

It took Bernie a couple of minutes to feel like herself again, she wanted to spring into action, to be the one shouting demands, trying to save Alex but she felt Serena pull on her hand. It was as if she knew what she was thinking. She squeezed her hand in reassurance, knowing that she couldn't do anything even if she wanted. 

Serena was quietly assessing the situation, she had only been outside the room, when Alex had started to crash. She hadn't wanted to listen to anything that had been said but she couldn't help it. She felt a mix of emotion but she knew that Bernie would be lost if anything ever happened to Alex and she couldn't ever let that happen.

Bernie hadn't noticed someone standing behind Serena but she felt Serena loosen her grip on her hand. Bernie tried to fight it, she clenched her first and held on tighter all the while not taking her eyes off Alex and the team working on her. Serena quickly glanced across to Bernie and followed her eye line. She tried again to remove her hand, this time with a little more force, just as she managed to free her hand from Bernie's grasp another hand took its place. 

Bernie was still looking straight ahead when she suddenly noticed Serena stood over Alex taking control. She tried to speak but no words came out. It was at that moment that she suddenly realised she didn't know who's hand she was holding. She looked across, Dom stood silently by her side, tightly holding her hand, giving her some comfort. She looked at him, opened her mouth and closed it. 

Dom leaned closer to Bernie's ear "Serena paged me, she thought she might be needed and you would need someone, she didn't want you to be alone" Bernie just nodded then looked again at Dom. It was almost as if he could read her mind. "When Alex crashed and the team came in you stood silently in shock, she tried to talk to you but you seemed to be in a place of your own." Bernie again nodded. 

Dom pulled Bernie closer, still not releasing her hand. "She will be ok" Dom tried to reassure her "Serena is looking after her but perhaps we should step out, you don't need to see this" Dom said, he expected Bernie to put up a fight but she never. She looked ahead at the frantic scene in front of her, a tear falling down her face. Dom took this as a time to leave. 

Still not releasing his hold he steered Bernie out of the room, to her office, where they sat together in silence, holding hands and in silence. 

Fifteen minutes had passed before the door to the office opened. Serena walked in. Bernie stood quickly, still holding onto Dom. He looked at her, her face was so difficult to read. 

"She's alive, we've transferred her to ICU but she is alive" Serena said maintaining eye contact with Bernie and all times. 

It was as if Bernie's legs had suddenly buckled beneath her, she fell forward onto Dom. Serena lunged forward to help. As soon as she was close enough Bernie transferred her contact to Serena and buried into her neck. "Thank you" she whispered.

Serena didn't respond, she just stood there hugging her partner. 

"I love you" Bernie said as she pulled apart a little from Serena, "thank you for what you did for me before Alex crashed, for your support. I know I struggle to open up but you really have changed my life. I was a mess before I met you, I didn't know who I was, what I wanted or what made me happy. Since meeting you, I now know who I am, what I want and what makes me happy and it's you Serena. I want to shout it from the roof top. I admit this has scared me with what happened with Alex, I thought I was going to lose her and that would hurt, she was the one person before you who made me start to think about myself differently and make me start to question what I wanted, but if that was you Serena.." tears now streaming down her face. 

Serena went to say something but Bernie stopped her "if that was you or if anything ever happened to you Serena, my life would be a mess, devastation is not the word. I think my whole being would cease to exist, you give me life Serena Campbell and without you and your love I am half the person I am with you. You've changed my life and I wouldn't want that any other way and I want to be your wife as soon as we can make it official. I don't want anything big, just us and a couple of witnesses. I want to be your wife."

Serena bent forward and kissed Bernie, "you can be my wife any time you want, you can have any wedding you want, as long as we are together that's all that I care about."

"Can we do it now?" Bernie asked.

Serena looked at her in disbelief, had she just suggested that?

"I'm serious, I don't want to waste another day. I want to be your wife, life's too short. Marry me Serena, marry me today" Bernie said looking straight into the eyes of her true love.


	10. Wedding

Serena was taken aback. She wanted to marry Bernie more than anything in the world but she didn’t want to rush it, especially as she was convinced this was a reaction to seeing Alex. Bernie could see the look on Serena’s face, she knew instinctively what she was thinking.

“This is not because of Alex” Bernie started. “We have had such a tough time over the past few months but the only thing that has got us through it is each other. Serena, I would be lost without you. I do not want to waste another minute not being legally married to you. I want the world to know that I love you.”  
Serena smiled, she knew she could never resist Bernie, she had some sort of magic spell on her, she was powerless to do anything but agree and she would never have it any other way.

“Ok, let’s get married” Serena said as Bernie embraced her. “But before we do, you need to see Alex” Bernie stiffened in her arms. She knew this was coming. She knew she needed to see Alex, she just wasn’t sure if she was strong enough or brave enough. She nodded her response and loosened her embrace with Serena.

“Go and see her and I will make some calls and get everything organised” Serena smiled loving at Bernie. Bernie saw Serena’s attention was caught by someone at the door, before Bernie had time to turn around Serena had already started to greet the figure.

“Ah, Dom, I need you to take Bernie to see Alex” 

Bernie began to protest but Serena shot her a look that stopped her straight away. She nodded, placed a gentle kiss on her lips and walked towards Dom, who placed a protective hand on her arm. Serena mouthed thank you as he led her away.

Serena breathed a deep sigh, how on earth had today turned out like it had. This morning they had ages to plan for their wedding, now she had minutes.  
Bernie and Dom took the familiar route they had taken so many times to ICU but this time was different. This time Bernie cared deeply for the patient lying there, waiting and needing a familiar face. 

Dom opened the door and held it open to Bernie. She inhaled as if she was summoning her strength as she entered. Alex looked peaceful. She was attached to a ventilator helping her breath, but she looked so peaceful and content. She reached her hand out and squeezed. It was at that instant Bernie knew for sure she was doing the right thing.

Bernie didn’t realise that she had been sat with Alex for over an hour until Dom came for her. 

“Bernie, you have a wedding to get to” Dom said gently.

Bernie looked up in surprise. “You mean she has actually managed to arrange it?” Bernie asked unable to keep the shock from her voice.  
“Well, you of all people should know when Serena sets her mind to something she completes it. So yes, you are getting married. Right now, if we hurry.”  
Bernie couldn’t contain the smile on her face. She had never felt more nervous and excited at the same time. “I don’t have anything to wear” Bernie panicked looking down at her scrubs. 

“Serena said that they are perfect and not to worry, she wants to marry you regardless of what you are wearing” Dom said laughing at the panic Bernie showed, he had never seen her like this.

She turned to Alex and said “Thank you for everything, I will come back and see you, I know you will be happy for me. I love you Alex” she bent down to kiss her forehead and left Alex alone. Bernie left the room without witnessing a single that fell from Alex’s eye after the kiss.  
Dom and Bernie again walked the familiar corridors to the chapel, again feeling different to every other time they had. Dom couldn’t stop looking at the smile across Bernie’s face, she was so happy, so content. 

“Right deep breath” Dom said to Bernie as they stood at the doors to the chapel. “Last chance to change your mind” 

“No chance” was all Bernie replied and Dom pulled open the door revealing Serena stood at the front, wearing the one thing she hated but Bernie loved, her scrubs.


End file.
